My Word Blog

A chronic mental health condition in which social interactions cause irrational anxiety.

For people with social anxiety disorder, everyday social interactions cause irrational anxiety, fear, self-consciousness, and embarrassment.

I have it, and I don’t want it. Where can I return it? I hate the isolation but I fear the contact. I want to go outside, just to want to come back in. I have so many triggers it’s like I have more of them than I have of me. Who am I? I can’t think of that right now, I have to get my thoughts under control first. One thought plus four, wait let me write that down before I forget. Too many too much. Nobody wants you, you’re too much, failure, you should just stop. Quick where is my blanket I need to hide for a sec. I think I am losing it. Turn the lights off, they can’t see what I’m hiding in the dark. Shhh, quiet the palpitations of my erratic heart. Silence the voices. Shut the world out. Here I am safe, here. I want to be different, I want to fit in, but I can’t. I can’t let myself be taken advantage of again. Can’t bare the thought of rejection. I was robbed of innocence by traumatic assaults in a sexual manner. I was hurt by kin, so how am I supposed to think that a person unknown won’t do more to my psyche (soul) if they were to prove that my flight response for social situations are inevitably correct.

Maybe I need to get help. I don’t think I can live in my own mind any more. I want to be let the heck out of here. I don’t like it anymore.